Preparing for Eternal Marriage

Hi ladies!

I hope you're doing well! As promised and due to time running out during our last Relief Society lesson, I've attached my lesson written out. I appreciate Rachael's comment that we are not improving for guys. We are improving because we love the Savior and because each of us has a special mission on this Earth. I believe that this "before-marriage" stage is of great value. Our happiness now and in marriage will increase as we prepare for every blessing. Our impact for good on the world and in our future families will also increase. Please post comments and questions so we can continue to learn from each other! Thanks!
Preparing for Eternal Marriage
Relief Society 9/25/11
· I’d like to begin by talking about true happiness. One of the reasons that we came to this Earth was to experience happiness. When you think back on times you felt truly happy, what were you doing and thinking? Maybe you were spending time with loved ones or maybe it was a quiet, sweet experience with Heavenly Father but no matter what, you were doing something right and good. When we embrace God’s will for us, we are happy.
· Eternal marriage is an important part of God’s plan for us. Let’s talk about how God sees marriage. He inspired his prophets to write “THE FAMILY: A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD”. I’ll read two sentences from it. The Proclamation begins: “We, the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.” What does ordained mean? It means to that God has set it apart and made it holy. Marriage is established by God and one of His highest priorities. God recommends and endorses marriage. It is an ordinance purposefully instituted by God to last eternally. This is marriage.
· The Proclamation also states: “Marriage between a man and a woman is essential to God’s eternal plan.” Why is marriage essential to God’s eternal plan for you whether in this life or the next? Marriage is essential to our growth and progression (lessons learned there are unique). Creating a family is part of our eternal purpose and, as we are taught in the temple, brings great joy.
· Why would our marriages be essential to fulfilling the eternal plan of others? We’ll be providing our children with the opportunity to gain a body and have this earth-life experience. With our husbands, we’ll be able to offer love and the gospel to our children.
· This is the way God sees marriage. He has set it apart as a sacred priority and made it holy. He wants it for all of us because it is essential to our eternal growth and happiness and that of our future children. Do you feel that?
· Now I’d like us to listen to Elder Scott describe his eternal marriage. This beautiful kind of marriage is available to each of us:
o “Pure love is an incomparable, potent power for good. Righteous love is the foundation of a successful marriage. It is the primary cause of contented, well-developed children. Who can justly measure the righteous influence of a mother’s love? What enduring fruits result from the seeds of truth that a mother carefully plants and lovingly cultivates in the fertile soil of a child’s trusting mind and heart? As a mother you have been given divine instincts to help you sense your child’s special talents and unique capacities. With your husband you can nurture, strengthen, and cause those traits to flower. It is so rewarding to be married. Marriage is wonderful. In time you begin to think alike and have the same ideas and impressions. You have times when you are extremely happy, times of testing, and times of trial, but the Lord guides you through all of those growth experiences together.” (Elder Richard G. Scott , “The Eternal Blessings of Marriage”, General Conference April 2011)
· I love seeing couples who love each other and serve the Lord as a family. Bishop and Sister Bennion are beautiful examples of that and so are the Shelstads and the Durretts. The pictures here remind us of the great plan that God has for each of us to marry. Most of us here are in the “before-marriage” stage (not single stage- the “before-marriage” stage) so do we have a responsibility in becoming eternally married? I feel that we do.
· How can we bring a loving, eternal marriage into our experience?
3 B’s for the Before-Marriage stage:

Believe that you will be married.
· Our prophet has promised that the future is as bright as your faith.
o What does that mean with regard to marriage?
o Marriage is a miracle but miracles only happen when we have faith.
o Isn’t it interesting that faith, hope and charity (charity being the highest love) are taught together?
o If we think: “I’m probably not going to get married in this life, where is our faith and hope?”
o When we settle for single life, we miss opportunities.
· Let’s read Hebrews 10:35-39
o 35 Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.
o 36 For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the cpromise.
o 37 For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.
o 38 Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him.
o 39 But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul.
· When we have hope, we radiate happiness and that invites others to get to know us
o Alma 41:15 “For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again”
· Our intention is to be married. I know that if we do our best, Heavenly Father will bring the best husband for each of us but we need first to believe that He can and we need to put ourselves out there with that faith and hope.

Become the kind of person you want to marry.
· When I started dating, my Dad told me about an experience he had when he was Bishop. A woman was describing the kind of man she wanted to marry—a worthy Priesthood holder. She wanted to date a man committed to the gospel who would marry her in the temple—but this woman wasn’t living the gospel as well as she thought she was. She was picking which commandments to keep and planned to improve later. If we postpone committing ourselves to the gospel, dating and marriage opportunities may also be postponed or possibly missed.
· Elder Richard G. Scott: “Some of you may feel lonely and unappreciated and cannot see how it will be possible for you to have the blessings of marriage and children or your own family. All things are possible to the Lord, and He keeps the promises He inspires His prophets to declare. Eternity is a long time. Have faith in those promises and live to be worthy of them so that in His time the Lord can make them come true in your life. With certainty, you will receive every promised blessing for which you are worthy.” (“The Eternal Blessings of Marriage”, General Conference April 2011)
o When we are living the best we can, we will be worthy and ready for every opportunity.
· Prayerfully make a list of what your top priorities in a future husband are and then seek him out. Elder Holland has a suggestion of one quality we should have on our list:
· There are many qualities you will want to look for in a friend or a serious date--to say nothing of a spouse and eternal companion--but surely among the very first and most basic of those qualities will be those of care and sensitivity toward others, a minimum of self-centeredness that allows compassion and courtesy to be evident. "That best portion of a good man's life [is] his . . . kindness," said Mr. William Wordsworth (Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey [1798], lines 33–35). There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command--such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them. (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “How Do I Love Thee?”, speeches.byu.edu)
· Next we make a list of what we want to become. I started this a year ago because there were habits I wanted to make to be prepared for marriage and also habits I wanted to break. For example, I’ve been solidifying my habit of daily scripture study and working on breaking my habit of being late. These efforts have blessed me so much as a person. It also shows Heavenly Father that we are putting our faith into action. This is the time to become the person we want to be when we are married.

Be sensitive to the Spirit’s guidance.
· The Holy Ghost is our best companion—especially in dating. The Spirit can guide us to the dating experiences that will help us grow and the Spirit can also help us avoid unnecessary dating experiences. I have felt the Holy Ghost encourage me to get to know certain guys. As I have obeyed with courage (and it does take courage), I have seen how every time there was a great purpose and precious lessons to learn that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Many times I was disappointed and it was hard but because I was trying to follow the Spirit, dating has brought me closer to the Lord and helped me realize the kind of man that I want to marry. Even if marriage does not happen during this life, we will have done everything that we could and we will be much better people because of those experiences.
· Be prayerful in seeking the Spirit’s guidance. The Spirit knows exactly where you need to be and who will be there to get to know. The Spirit leads us to what is best for us and we can’t see that on our own. We can pray about where Heavenly Father wants us to live and be open to whatever the Lord’s will is for us. We can pray to know which guys to invite to activities. My stake president at home counsels the women to invite guys on dates too.
· In closing, I’d like to leave you with Elder Holland’s wise counsel: “In Mormon's and Paul's final witnesses, they declare that "charity [pure love] never faileth" (Moroni 7:46, 1 Corinthians 13:8). It is there through thick and thin. It endures through sunshine and shadow, through darkest sorrow and on into the light. It never fails. So Christ loved us, and that is how He hoped we would love each other. In a final injunction to all his disciples for all time, He said, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you" (John 13:34; emphasis added). Of course such Christlike staying power in romance and marriage requires more than any of us really have. It requires something more, an endowment from heaven. Remember Mormon's promise: that such love--the love we each yearn for and cling to--is "bestowed" upon "true followers of Christ." You want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Or, to phrase that more positively, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart. (“How Do I Love Thee?”, speeches.byu.edu)

· I love you all. I admire each of you for the power within you, for the amazing way you are creating your lives, for your gorgeous personalities and most of all, for the royal princess that I see in each of you. Let us embrace the perfect timing of our Heavenly Father and do everything we can to accomplish His will. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.